Fic: See Me Through (1/3)
Jun. 13th, 2010 10:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cat_sdgirlTitle: See Me Through
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: This story starts after the episode 'Dark Side Of The Moon'
Beta:
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icelily01 *Thank you so much sweetie :)*Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: What happened after Dean throws the necklace in the trash.
A/N: Song used in this story: 'Crawl' by The Superchick
A/N2: Icon made by the lovely
jessicajay22
Dean threw the necklace in the garbage and went out, without any hesitation, and Sam is so surprised that he just stays there, without moving. That gesture hurt Sam more than the time Dean called him a monster and Sam just can’t make himself move to his brother and go away from the motel. What would he do now? He knows what Dean meant, it meant he doesn’t want to be with him anymore, he doesn’t believe in Sam, if he ever believed anyway, and just wants Sam to leave.
Sam knows all of that and he never wanted to leave, but if Dean wants that, he couldn’t say no to his brother. So he is completely lost, without anything or anyone to help him fix this… so Sam stays where he is, looking at the trash with his eyes unfocused and wet.
He looks up when he hears Dean at the door again. “You coming or what?” Deans asks. His voice and expression is hard; he doesn’t understand why Sam didn’t follow him right away, like always.
Sam doesn’t have the courage to look at Dean anymore, so he answers with his eyes on the floor, “I’m s-sorry.” Sam is shaking his head slowly, trying to stop the tears from falling freely.
He knows Dean is still at the door, without moving or making a sound. But Sam never took his eyes from the floor, afraid he would see relief in his brother’s face. Then, once a heart breaking minute has passed, Dean is gone for good.
How long will this take?
How much can I go through?
My heart, my soul aches
I don't know what to do
Sam has stayed in the same motel room for almost four days now and he still hasn’t slept. He isn’t trying anyway, but it’s getting a lot more difficult to continue with his eyes open, however he’s scared to fall asleep. In the moment he closes his eyes, the worries and fears will fall down on him, hard and fast, and he is too tired and depressed to fight the nightmares.
Only just this morning Sam understood that he was truly alone and he probably would stay like that. It shouldn’t be so hard, it really shouldn’t, but Sam doesn’t know how to be alone anymore. The silence and the darkness are already affecting his nerves, so he just stays still on that spot, trying to make himself invisible to the world around and pretending he is somewhere else with his brother. But it's becoming harder and harder to stay awake, he's feeling his eyes close and, with fear, he holds the necklace tight, wishing he could be stronger... stronger for Dean, Bobby, Cas and the rest of the world... Stronger for everyone he didn't save and everyone who died because of him...
Carry me through
“Sam… Sam, you have to wake up! “
Sam is hearing someone talking to him, but he couldn’t place the voice. What happened to him? Did he fall asleep? But he couldn’t remember any bad dreams so he couldn’t be sleeping….
“Sam. I need your help!”
He opens his eyes fast; he knows the voice after all!
“Cas…”
“Finally, Sam. We have a problem and I need your help.“
“I’m sorry Cas, I was a little tired and I didn’t realize I fell asleep.”
“I know. I can feel you’re still tired and hurt… What happened?”
Sam closes his eyes, trying to hide the hurt inside. He doesn’t want to worry Castiel with his problems now that the angel is hurting too. After all, he found out that his father doesn’t want to help them fight Lucifer. Sam really wants to help him, make Cas feel better, but he is so broken that he can’t do any good for the other man.
“It’s okay Cas, really. It’s just lack of sleep. Tomorrow I’ll be good as new.”
Right! Like Castiel wouldn’t know he was lying with all his teeth. But what can he do? Tell him how bad he feels? How alone? Tell him he wishes Dean would never have brought him back with that deal? Or tell him how many times he thought that it would be better if he were never born in the first place? He couldn’t say anything, because Cas would never understand.
“I know you are lying and I want to help you. But for that you have to talk to me.”
“You don’t need to help me, but thanks anyway. Just let me help you instead. What were you saying about needing my help?”
“Okay Sam,… Well I talked with Dean yesterday and I found out he is going to do something really bad…”
Sam is completely awake now. What happened to Dean? He’s supposed to be safe and good without Sam there… that’s why Sam stayed here!
“What, Cas? Tell me!”
“It’s not good Sam, I’m sorry. He’s going to say yes to Michael and nothing I said made him change his mind.”
Sam stopped hearing in that moment. Why was Dean doing this? Right! Because he doesn’t have any other choice, and Sam is going to see his brother die again… he can’t do that. But how can he stop Dean from saying yes? He won’t listen to him, and apparently he didn’t hear Cas either, so what to do?
“What will we do, Cas? Maybe we could ask Bobby if he could talk to him, I don’t know…”
“No Sam, you have to talk to him and he will stop…”
Sam smiles sadly at Cas, “I can’t, Castiel, he won’t listen to me. If he didn’t hear you, it will be the same with me. We have to find something else.”
“Of course he will, Sam! You’re his brother and he loves yo-“
“Don’t! Please!” Sam interrupts the angel with tears in his eyes. “Please Cas, don’t say that to me. Dean doesn’t want to be my brother anymore, he’s better off without me!”
For the first time Castiel doesn’t answer and Sam is grateful for that. His heart is hurting so much he thinks it’s going to stop at any minute. Why can’t he save even his own brother? Dean doesn’t deserve to pay for a mistake Sam made. He freed Lucifer from Hell and now his brother is going to give his life, again, because Sam is not strong enough to amend something that is his damn problem. No wonder Dean wanted to leave him, he would do that too if he could.
“Sam…”
“I’m sorry, Castiel, I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s not your fault.”
“It’s okay. But you have to talk to me, Sam.”
Sam knows there’s no solution for him, but his brother deserves a life, a real one, and Sam is going to try and give him just that. He believes that Castiel can help Dean, and if not Sam still has one last person to ask for help.
“You can’t help me, Cas. Just, please, save my brother. That’s the only thing I want.”
In a second Cas is so close to his face that Sam thought he was going to hit him. But he just stopped there, looking at Sam with an expression Sam didn’t understand. Then the angel’s eyes were gentle and he put his hand on Sam’s hand making him feel a little better, calmer.
“You know I will try, but I can’t promise anything. But now I really want to know what happened Sam, just tell me…”
Sam takes a deep breath and nods. He doesn’t have anything more to lose and Castiel isn’t going to make him feel worse. But he really needs to do something first, then he will say anything the angel wants to hear.
“Okay, I’ll tell you everything. But first can you take me somewhere? I really need to go there.”
“I can. Where?”
“It’s a place I went fifteen years ago and it’s really special-“
Cas didn’t let him finish and pushed Sam’s hand, a gentle smile on his face: “I know where we’re going. Come on then.”
Sam smiled for the first time in days, it was a little smile, but it was still there and they disappeared suddenly.
I stumble and I fall
Carry me through
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-13 11:17 pm (UTC)Also, wonderful song choice. ♥
So please? More ficcage?
~Nebula
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-13 11:30 pm (UTC)Don't worry, I already wrote the other part. Only the end is still missing. so more really soon *grins*
I love this song! I think it fits really well with my fic :D
you're really sweet, thanks for the comment and for reading!
*hugs*
Kate
Please continue this fic
Re: Please continue this fic
Date: 2010-06-14 08:28 am (UTC)More tomorrow *grins*
*big hug*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-14 09:57 pm (UTC)Great beginning! Can't wait to see where Sam chose for his and Castiel's destination.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-14 10:04 pm (UTC)You'll know that tomorrow *grins*
*big hug*